Why does it feel
that day by day,
I'm holding my breath
waiting to drown;
that you're my only savior.

The Siege of Me.

It's been sometime now, time long enough for me to express myself in words; time long enough for me to find what i have to say. This period for me is total hell, i know I'm very emotionally attached; but this i different. This time i found myself asking how can a person willingly move on to greater things without having the only person that one would like to share successes and moments with, how can one move on when all he wants to do is to share his happiness and excitement with isn't around. Then it struck me that there isn't happiness and excitement to share without her around to begin with. All he sees is even more negativeness, loneliness and one side of the coin; how long can he continue knowing that he brought his own world down; his world of triumph, love, life and motivation. All becomes different and uncomfortable, when he knows that he can't fully enjoy a simple movie like Captain America the way he wishes, how it felt wrong not having her around to share an fantastic movie with, how he can't listen to her telling him how she felt about the movie and how she'd point out the little things that goes on in the movie that he always misses out on. And it doesn't end there, he can never get into his car feeling the same again, knowing that she isn't in the passenger seat, how he can never check if she has her seat-belt on properly anymore, knowing that she trusted her life to the man she valued the most every time she got into that car. How he can't enjoy TV series that he once shared with her anymore, how he can't look at her knowing he's got the best thing that happened in his life right beside him reminding him that he got life by the balls, knew that he was her man and knowing everything she liked is everything he'll grow to like too regardless if it's a pony or a peanut butter cup. But ultimately, the one thing he knows is that things will not be the same or come close at all, he knows what he has done to his girl, and he knows what he got was exactly what he should have gotten, knowing she is happy, social and free; knowing she have the total opposite in her life and he can only view from afar when someone new; stronger and better comes along and do what he couldn't.

This is killing me.

Belly of the Beast.

Grip your swords and calm your thoughts,

Crush your despairs and be the nightmare,

Call upon no man oh call upon no gods,

And you shall claim the throne in the turbulent seas.

Existence

Where do you seek answers in times of despair that seems never ending? I've always asked myself that question,only to be brought down by sheer rejection from menacing reality.But what does it tells you? To give up? To carry on? To further question yourself? Truth is,it doesn't matter. It's not what you do BUT how you do it. Clique? yes very,but think about it. Is it really the answer to all problems? Or is it the root of all problems? There is always so many angles and variations to take into account,so many doubts and uncertainties looming in your decisions. So you may ask,how does one come to a conclusion,come to that "perfect" ending of that specific individual. There seems like no explanation,but answer to all questions is already known,before any questions and any other "answers" doubted. So what exactly is this almighty answer? It's nothing but personal faith within every individual's core essence.

Skeptical.

Short breathes and clenched hands,
seems like seconds which passed an
eternity.Oh what do you make of it,
it's aurora of mystic or just plain
bullcrap?

Your hearts begs please,mine begs for release.
What goes on isn't what it may seems,close your
eyes and you'll see;who would be there when you're
on your knees.